Pro Forma
The Magazine for the Busy Academic
Volume 1 - - Number 1 - - June, 1992
A new journal devoted to those who do not have time to read it. No articles - no commentary - no book reviews! All sections can be read in less time than it takes to advise the average undergraduate student.
Here are some of the topics and sections to appear in the first issue:
The Legal Advisor:
- “Don’t Publish - Don’t Perish: Creative Litigation andTenure”
The Art of the Conference:
- “Being a Discussant Without Reading the Papers”
- Opening remarks for every session
“These papers admirably demonstrate both the strengths and weaknesses of the field today.”
“It is nice to see that some people can still get interested in this topic.” - 10 French names that intimidate
- 10 all-purpose long summary sentences with no content
- The art of academic flattery through easy key words
“seminal, pathbreaking, essential, fundamental…..”
- Opening remarks for every session
- “The All-Purpose Abstract”
- Just fill in five blanks and this abstract works in any discipline, for any conference.
- Abstracts that describe any paper you later write — Postmodern, Positivist, Critical, Feminist
- “When You Just can’t write the Paper - Creative Withdrawls from the Program”
Easier Publishing:
- “Citation analysis : Journals in your discipline that are desperate for papers”
- “Ins and outs of repeat publishing - change that title!”
- “One paper - eight foreign Graduate students - eight translations - eight foreign publications - all in six months!”
The Tenure and Promotion File:
- “How to form or join a citation circle”
- agreements that multiply your entries in the annual citation index by 10
- “Make a 1-page comment count the same as a book
- “Obscure journals that sound important
- “5 ways to get your book accepted without review”
- “Getting good letters from people who don’t know you”
The Pro Forma Bookshelf
- “100 One-Line Current Book Summaries”
- Allows you to freely cite pages, without buying or reading the book!
- Easy-to remember critiques for conversation or class
- Classified by discipline
- Rated for political correctness by our panel
- “Boilerplate - A New Computer Program that Writes Half of your Monograph”
- “Classics in Your Discipline”
- Survey reports how many of your colleagues have actually read the classics in your field.
Cooperation Column:
- Co-Authorship Exchange
- Have Data, Need Theory
- Have Theory, Need Data
Washington Buzzword Watch
- Regular updates from the Beltway Bandit
- What is Hot in NSF and NEH Panels this year
- Trends in Cross-Disciplinary Buzzword Transmission
Plus! These new columns to appear in the next issue
- Advising Timesavers
- Dissertation Defenses without Preparation
Advertisers
- Submission Services International
We reformat and resubmit until you get accepted! Thousands of journals on our lists! - Data Recycling Central
Don’t throw that old data away! We have buyers for good pre-owned data sets, lab notes and interview transcripts!
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